Portraits by Andy Warhol

There was an Andy Warhol private collection showing in Toronto a few months ago.

Out of all the works they had on display, I was really struck by "The Socialites" collection. Portraits of wealthy men who commissioned Warhol to make portraits of them. What do they all have in common?

Hands near face in almost each one. It got me thinking about the subtle body language differences between hand gestures. Here's a summary to what these men could be communicating:

1. Fist over chin: Interested
2. Finger steeple: noticeable in the touching index fingers, a sign of confidence and self-assurance
3. Holding up cigar: according to cigar psychology (there is such a thing!) the way he is holding it represents being practical/vindictive
4. Hand near chin: thinking
5. Index finger at chin: thinking

There is a clear theme of being reflective and confident in their hand gestures. I wonder whether or not they naturally chose to pose that way, or if they had guidance. My guess would be the former,. Do you think confidence comes naturally to socialites?

What are your hands communicating? Here is a neat chart I found in my research:

Source: University of Cambrdige

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Improving Office Perception: Avoiding Bad Office Habits

There's more to your office reputation than hard work. It's a sad truth, but not everyone at your work will have a chance to be impressed by your incredible Excel-automated business model or that presentation deck you pulled an all-nighter for.  But that won't stop them from forming an opinion about your work ethic just by walking by your desk a couple of times on their way to the washroom. (This article probably does not apply to you if you are one of the fortunate ones who have a very secluded cubicle).  It's human nature to make rash judgments about others and the last thing you want is for your office habits to make you look incompetent at your job.

Teachings on being a "professional" often focus on how you dress and talk. However, there are some other simple things that you can do to better reflect a good work ethic:

1. Mirror the hours of your management: If your manager always comes in early, do the same. The bonus is you get to be around them when it's quieter and might even get some valuable one-on-one time.

2. Stay later: Truth is, when you come into work at 7AM, few people see it. When you stay until 7PM, almost everyone leaving will say bye or acknowledge your late presence on their way out. 

3. Forget the cellphone: Don't use your phone at your desk. Ever. Even if you work tirelessly for 10 hours straight and someone just happens to walk by when you are sending that one text of the day, you risk being seen as a slacker. Especially if it's someone who rarely sees you. If you really need to take a personal phone call, you can go for a walk (or even use your desk phone if it's something quick -perception is that it's work related). Yes, it's hard to abandon our most prized possession for a few hours, but the cellphone just has to go while you're at your desk.

4. Carry the notebook:  Instead of just sitting in a meeting, take some notes. This will help you stay engaged and show that you are listening.

5. Jacket on chair/hanger: sends the message that you are present somewhere in the office, even if away from your cubicle.

6. Mind the TMI (too much information): Keep personal conversations to a minimal. If you can't see someone that means they can't overhear you, right? Wrong.

7. Be present: This is the most important. If you are often tempted to work at home, think about all the valuable conversations that happen around the office that might help you do a better job. Being present allows you and other people to drop by with questions, as well as build rapport with your colleagues. Few things are more effective to finding an answer than sneaking up on someone right at their desk with the words "Do you have a quick minute?". 

Hopefully these tips help you stay engaged in the workplace and show others that you care.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Image source: http://beta.diylol.com/memes/545-procrastination-panda/posts/192779-i-may-not-look-busy-but-at-the-celular-level-i-m-really-quite-active

What Your Clothes Say About You

As much as spring is a time for renewal, it is also often a prompt to hit the mall for some new looks.

The phrase "clothes make the man" is not an unfamiliar one, but what do the colors and clothes we wear actually communicate to others? Did you ever wonder how much of the likability of a person is determined based on their appearance? More than you think. Interviews are not the only life events for which our wardrobe plays an important role. Pardon human shallowness but often wardrobe is the only way people can judge your personality, which in turn affects how they choose to react to you.

I've grouped some color psychology along with some wardrobe tips to help guide you in communicating the message you want depending on which of the following three situations you are in:

Looking Competent in Sales and Business 

To give off a professional image, extra care must be taken into how well the clothes fit, their cleanliness and lack of wrinkles (yes, that means ironing). Same goes for well-groomed hair and nails.

People tend to trust those with "fit" body types and subconsciously associate fitness with competency (1). Therefore, if you have a fit body it's good to wear clothes that outline the figure. For men, that means well-fitted suits. For ladies - fitted tops or dresses. Studies have shown that heavier eyeglass frames communicate intelligence within a business environment. (2)

A heavier eyeglass frame
communicates intelligence

The ultimate color of power is black (3). However, since it overpowers other colors too much of it can be seen as threatening. Blue is second most powerful as it communicates confidence, trust and authority (particularly in its darker shades). This is the reason why blue is one of the most popular colors used in logos. Another business option is deep purple because it communicates luxury and sophistication. This might be useful for salespeople to note when they would like to communicate status and trust.

A great tip for sales people is to wear some "status" symbols of success. For example, a nice watch or a designer bag. In business, the quality of clothes is important as it allows you to be more persuasive. When you have a high-quality looking wardrobe, people are more likely to perceive you as more successful in your field and place more trust into your ideas. 

Making Yourself Approachable - Networking

An accessory that stands out is
a conversation starter.

My favourite networking tip is to have a statement accessory. This makes it easier for someone to approach you and break the ice by commenting on the item. It could be a statement necklace, tie, a bright scarf, or a purse. Whatever it is, it should be something that not only complements your outfit but also catches the eye.

Making great first impressions is all about perception. For example, if someone asks you for your business card, don't look disheveled trying to check all of your pockets or trying to frantically dig for it through the black hole that is the over-cluttered bottom of your purse. Know where the things you need are. If you have a purse, make sure it doesn't prevent you from having a hand available for a handshake (presuming you are likely to have an appetizer or a drink in the other). 

In terms of color, light brown communicates that you are genuine. Brown is a cozy color that is welcoming and approachable. Hints of orange and yellow in an outfit could be helpful to draw attention. Although too much yellow can be intimidating, it can create a sense of warmth. Orange is considered an approachable color that communicates courage and generosity. Sometimes marketers use orange to make an expensive product seem more affordable.

Read Bad Body Language Habits for other networking behaviours to avoid

Less Awkward First Dates - Improving Likeability

Wear red. 

I was going to leave it at that, but some other popular colors are pink and lavender for femininity (this one is more for the girls). White could be used to highlight purity and peace, especially if you are a bit nervous. If the texture of the fabrics you wear is soft, it can invite human closeness.

Mimic the effect of dilated pupils
by wearing sunglasses on your head

It's a fact that dilated pupils naturally make a person seem more attractive to us. This effect can be mimicked by wearing sunglasses on the head. Having this extra set of "eyes" allows a person to be perceived as youthful and relaxed (2). This mimics the relaxing effect babies and stuffed animals with large painted pupils have on us. 

I will leave what to wear or not wear open-ended. It all depends on what you want your date to end with...

Read more about the Body Language of Attraction

Hope these tips help you refresh your look for spring. 

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Sources:

1. Dillard, James, Pfau, Michael"The Persuasion Handbook"; 2002

2. Pease, Allan and Barbara. The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Dell, New York, New York. 2004
3. Expert Business Source. "Colors and How People React to Them" 2007.

Can You Spot the Liar?

Wanted to share this great lie-spotting quiz my friend sent me. It's got 10 video clips you can watch and try to figure out whether or not the people are lying. This is very quick to do and very entertaining! I got 9/10. The trick is to trust your gut and, before doing it, brush up on lie detecting tips from my article here.

Click here for the quiz - "Can You Spot the Liar?"

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Angela Merkel's Hands: Body Language as a Personal Brand

I've recently learned that the Prime Minister (Chancellor) of Germany, Angela Merkel, has a hand gesture known as the "Merkel Diamond". It is so widely recognized in the world that it was even a logo for one of her political campaigns. 

source: blogspot

Merkel says the hand gesture came to be when she was struggling to find what to do with her hands in public situations (The Guardian). Margaret Thatcher also had a similar issue and was told to carry a handbag. But it's not just politicians that struggle with this. Many of us have struggled with what I like to call "hand-awkwardness'. It's most evident to me when I have to pose for photos (Do you ever feel like "hand on hip" is just not the appropriate gesture for a certain photograph?).

In body language terms, the "Merkel Diamond" is a hand gesture that communicates confidence. Interestingly, it has an additional meaning during conversations. If the gesture is done simultaneously with positive body language signals, it means the person is confident about what they is being told. If it's used with negative gestures, the person is confident that they disagree with you.

In my opinion, Merkel's Diamond is a lot more effective than Thatcher's use of the handbag. Covering your body with objects can make you be perceived as a closed individual and reduce your rapport. That's why while sitting in a coffee shop with someone, it's best to put your coffee cup to the side and not directly in front of you so it doesn't create a barrier.

There is a reason why Merkel was on the most powerful people list several times. Attention to detail in body language plays an important role in your personal brand. It's not uncommon for public figures to go through extensive body language training.

Merkel's Political Campaign

What do you do with your hands in awkward situations? Do you have a go-to gesture? Please don't say you cross your arms. (You can read my bad habits article on why).

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Top 3 Articles of 2013

I've reviewed my blog stats for the year and here are the most popular articles that I've posted. (They are actually my favourites as well!)

1) How To Win your Crush Over: The Body Language of Attraction

2) Crossed Arms and Other Bad Body Language Habits

3) Words That Destroy Conversations (And You've Probably Used Them Today)

I'd like to sincerely thank you for reading my blog. This year I've learned lots on the subject of body language and have lots more I'd like to share with you in 2014. Seeing people interested in a subject I'm so passionate about has made this one of my funnest learning adventures.

You can follow me on twitter @DaryaDen for more frequent tips.

Happy New Year!

And of course...

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Body Language in Customer Service

To escape the snowy Toronto December I took a trip to Cayo Coco, Cuba. Everything about the resort we stayed at was absolutely beautiful, but the most touching were the people serving us. One day as we were entering the buffet for lunch they were all lined up with their arms across their chest. (I managed to snap this photo as I was walking).

I'm not sure if it was the sappy live music playing in the background but I was extremely touched seeing them all lined up with hands over their hearts.  It was an amazing example of body language that really warmed the heart. It made them look very sincere. With a simple gesture, without saying anything - they greeted us and communicated readiness to make our stay the best one possible through their service.

This got me thinking about body language in customer service. Imagine if employees were trained out of bad body language habits  (Read: my bad body language habits article) and practiced more open body language. This would make crowded December malls seem more bearable. Customers would walk out of stores feeling like they were cared for - and may not even know why! 

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

P.S. I post lots of fun facts and tips on my twitter account. Follow me @DaryaDen27

Words That Destroy Conversations (And You've Probably Used Them Today)

Do you remember the last time you had an argument with someone? 

The goal of every disagreement is to find a conclusion or a mutual understanding that both parties can live with. Getting to that conclusion can be very painful and exhausting. In a heated argument, it is easy to be 'in the moment' and use words that create more harm than good.

A few years ago, I learned a communication model that is simple enough to remember to forever understand why sometimes arguments just seem to escalate without a solution. The model teaches that when we speak to someone, we always play one of the following three roles - Parent, Child or Adult (the proper term for this theory is Berne's Transactional Analysis). Interestingly enough, if one person is acting like a Parent, the natural reaction is for the second one to enter the role of a Child. And vice-versa. Only when we have rational conversations within the Adult state does the other person match it with an Adult response.

In simple terms, the last thing you want is to communicate in such a way that places the other person into a Parent or Child role.  In a single conversation, we often move between various states. In the last argument you remember, which of the below three descriptions fit you best?

Child

 Physical Clues - emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal Clues - baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, I'm gonna, I don't care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

Parent

Physical Clues - angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,

Verbal Clues - always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.

Adult

Physical Clues - attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal Clues - why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion." (Source: Alan Chapman)

When having serious discussions, the goal is to stay in the adult state for as long as possible.

Honestly though, we are all human and it's not like I've never had an argument since I learned this theory. However, I did make three simple rules for myself that I try to remember when I want to have a serious discussion with someone.

D-Code's Top 3 Rules of Better Communication

1. Never say "never" or "always" because then the argument immediately becomes about the person trying to prove you wrong as opposed to the solution i.e. "You are always late" ends up with your friend angrily coming up with examples on when they were on time instead of the main issue at hand.

2. Avoid "baby talk" and stop using words such as "I wish" "I dunno" "I don't care" - If you don't care, you wouldn't have started the discussion to begin with. Stop lying about it. We are not stupid. 

3.  Be Specific - if there is a behaviour that you don't like, clearly explain it to the person - "It really upset me when you didn't put away the groceries". My absolute pet peeve are people who don't bother explaining things with an egocentric belief that if the person really cared for them, they would know what upsets them. Someone caring for you doesn't make them your mind reader. You know what's a real true test of someone caring? Them listening to your specific and honest remarks and trying to reduce that behaviour in the future. Which kind of makes me think of this comic:

There is a story of a father struggling to get his child out of bed each morning by using common phrases such as "You'll be late" and  "Stop sleeping". One day, trying to use the Adult instead of the Parent approach, the father walked into his son's bedroom and asked him: "When did you want to wake up today?" This  adult question startled the child and he immediately took responsibility for his prompt arrival to school. 

And that, is the magic of effective communication.

Do you have any other great communication tips to share? Please comment or tweet them @daryaden27.

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Movember Special: How Women Judge Men's Hair

In perfect timing for Movember, I came across a study that found how women judge the same man differently based on the amount of head and facial hair he has. Here are the results: 

Source: Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201308/chart-when-bald-is-best

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Do You Need a Hug?

This September I had a chance to go on an East Coast Canada Road Trip with some friends (another excuse I can use for not posting for so long!). One sunny Saturday afternoon, we were strolling around various neighborhoods in Halifax and walked by a man who was begging for money. Not thinking much of it, I was ready to walk right by, when my friend (let's call him James) sat down right beside him in the middle of the street. He gave him some change and then said these beautiful words "Apart from my financial contribution, is it OK if I also contribute my time and just talk to you?". The man agreed and I sat on the pavement right beside James and the homeless man. We spent almost an hour listening to him speak. He broke down in tears several times throughout our conversation. He told us about the many struggles of prison, drugs and broken family he endured. Then James asked him a simple question "When was the last time you had a hug?". After getting the man's permission, he gave him one big, long and sincere hug. I could see that our new friend become more at ease immediately. By the end of the conversation, he was even making some jokes! 

Our lives can feel overwhelming and complicated, but sometimes all it takes is a very simple gesture like a hug to a friend (or a stranger, if you are feeling brave) that will make everything seem a bit more bearable.

That afternoon, James and I talked some more about hugs. Apparently there is a difference between a "full-body belly hug" and the one where you just lean forward and only the top parts of your body lightly press against the other person. Turns out, I was unconsciously doing the latter with most people in my life. I never even knew about the existence of a belly hug!  When was the last time you gave someone a "full-body belly hug"? Do you think the people you hug feel that your hugs are genuine?

This unusual incident in Halifax made me think more about how I use my body to communicate with others. Turns out, that it's not just handshakes that can affect the impressions people have of us. (Read: "What's in a handshake?" ). 

This week, I encourage you to be the person that helps someone feel just a little more hopeful than before you shared your time with them. Besides, the cooler weather is always a great reason to share a warm drink and to hug just a little tighter.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

P.S. Follow me on twitter @DaryaDen for more body language and communication tips

How Steve Jobs' Body Language Helped Him Succeed

Having read the biography earlier this year, I rushed to the theaters to watch "Jobs" yesterday. Although the movie hasn't been getting the best reviews, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was happy to see Ashton Kutcher embrace the character of Steve Jobs as well as he did. The movie really underlines that Apple is what it is due to Jobs' strong personality. Whether you love or hate his management style, there are things to be learned.

Steve Jobs appeared to have a strong sense of how far he is able to push other people in order to get what he wants when negotiating (albeit, that did eventually get him fired from Apple). From all the people I've heard of, Jobs strikes me most as someone who has a very strong presence and influence on people. I've come up with a quick list of what unique qualities he had that contributed to his success:

1. Stare Intensely - Steve Jobs was known to stare at people without blinking when he wanted to get his way. The people who have encountered it first-hand say that the look was so strong that you wouldn't dare disagree with Jobs during that stare. The focus he had influenced others to focus on the things he cared about as well. I'm not saying to stare people down to the point of severe discomfort, but it's clear that strong eye contact is very important when you are trying to influence someone.

2. Meetings while walking - Many of the key conversations Jobs had with people occurred while taking a walk. This was done for more than just enjoying the scenery. It brought efficiency. When we sit around in a meeting, we get comfortable and tend to get sidetracked or distracted from the decision we need to make. Next time you need to make a difficult decision or are facing a deadline, try having everyone stand up during the meeting. You will be amazed at how much quicker everyone will get to the point when thinking on their feet. Literally.

3. Attention to Detail - Aside from being a perfectionist about Apple products, Jobs was also very detail-oriented in all his public speaking engagements. He would hire people to edit his speeches for product launches and would practice delivering them for hours. Even the entire stage lighting had to be rebuilt once before a presentation when Jobs felt it wasn't 100% perfect. His self-discipline is what set Apple apart from the competition. What we say and how we say it matters if we want it to make an impact. If Steve Jobs didn't take his speeches lightly, neither should you be careless when presenting an idea that's important to you. (Read more presentation tips here)

Fun Fact: In the movie, Steve Jobs barely has any furniture in his house. This is very accurate because he had a very difficult time picking furnishings. He thought almost all furniture being sold was "too ugly" of a design to be in his home.

I hope the list helps you think more about whether or not you are a negative or positive influence on people through the way you carry yourself. But please, don't have a tantrum and get yourself fired in the process.

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

P.S. "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." - Steve Jobs

Body Language is Everywhere

I had a chance to visit Washington D.C. a few weeks ago and when I walked into one of the museums, I was greeted by this sculpture of an elephant:

 With the following description:

Body language really is everywhere. I bet animals interpret it much better than we do because they are not distracted by words like humans are.

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

P.S. Let me know if you recognize this museum... I can't remember the name.

All It Takes is a (Fake) Smile: Body Language Life Hacks

Recently I’ve come across the term “life hack” a lot. It seems like it has gone viral. We love life hacks because they sound like an easy way to accomplish something that would otherwise be difficult. Whether it’s on how to keep your stuff organized or how to increase your productivity with simple changes, we crave these shortcuts (mostly, because we are all naturally lazy and want to live the most awesome lives with minimal effort).

What people often don’t realize is that body language can provide “life hacks” to improving our mood or changing how we perceive certain things. Let’s face it, no matter how well things are going, we are still going to have off days. Unfortunately, we can’t always call in sick and spend the day in bed until we are ready to face the unjust world again. Instead, I encourage you to try these next time you are feeling blue:

1.       Smile – even when you don’t feel like smiling, the muscles involved in making a smile will trigger happy memories in your brain and your fake smile might actually make you happier than you expect.

If you don’t believe me, try going to a Laughter Yoga Class. I went to one in Toronto and it was incredible. The concept of laughter yoga is to laugh – without anyone being funny or telling jokes. It takes the smiling motion to the next level, and you know what? It actually works. We are programmed to think that in order to laugh we have to be amused. However, laughing without a reason can provide just as much of a mood booster as listening to a good stand-up comedian.

In the spirit of wedding season and other summer photo opportunities, here’s a hack on how to fake a genuine smile. Everyone on Facebook  will now believe that you really ARE having a great time on your rainy weekend camping trip:

(Read more about the power of smiling in one of my previous articles)

2.       Dress Up:  It’s been proven that when feeling under the weather, taking some extra time to put on those fancy shoes or an ironed out dress shirt will make you feel more confident to face the day. If you have  a phone interview, dress up for it anyway. Your posture, thoughts and tone of voice will be more professional when you are dressed up than when you are taking the call in your pyjamas on the couch. Think Lady Gaga.  How much of her persona is defined by her outfits?

3.       Right-hand, left-hand: A university study has revealed that a right-handed person perceives things on their right-hand side more positively than those on their left. If you are interviewing for a job, being on the more dominant side of the interviewer can potentially help you leave a better impression. The good-news is that this preference is not fixed. If you are right-handed and perform a few everyday tasks with your non-dominant side, your perception of the world will become more favourable on the side that performed the tasks. Mind-blowing finding? I thought so.

You see, sometimes all it takes is a fake laugh or a peek through the window with a different side to feel a little better. May you always have the energy to turn things around J

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Sources:

A really cool list of life hacks I found- 100 Life Hacks That Make Life Easier

“Insights: Right-Hand Man”. Psychology Today. Aug 2012. 16. Print.

Crossed Arms and Other Bad Body Language Habits

A few days ago, I was preparing for a presentation with my team. We started practicing our slides in front of each other and noticed that every single one of us had something that we do when we get nervous. One person bites their nails, another guy scratches his face and I play with my hair. I am grateful that we were comfortable with pointing out these gestures to each other.

The next day, I decided to put my hair up in a bun to prevent me from playing with it. I presented in front of my colleague and she said that although my hair was up, I still found a loose strand and reached for it. The craziest part is that I don’t recall doing any of this while I presented. Some of our body movements become so habitual that our brain ceases to pay attention to them, but that doesn’t mean that others don’t notice.

It’s  important to avoid gestures that might result in distracting someone from what you are saying or give a negative perception of you. You don’t need to be a decoding expert to interpret bad body language habits. Are you victim to any of these common ones?

1. Crossed Arms – often associated with being defensive. The arm-gripping gesture may occur if a person is feeling insecure or nervous. It is a form of self-hugging for comfort (i.e. can be seen in doctors’ office waiting rooms). When I’ve noticed a friend of mine doing it, she denied that it has anything to do with being defensive and said she was just comfortable. While it is still a possibility, sometimes the body gestures that feel most comfortable to us are a reflection of an internal state that we are not even aware of yet ourselves. Avoid this gesture and try to have open body language when communicating with others. (Unless of course you are cold.  In that case, hug yourself as much as needed)

2. Looking Down – Can be interpreted as boredom or slight arrogance. I’ve noticed that a person who is feeling shy in a particular social setting may feel uncomfortable making eye contact. Although they don’t actually have bad intentions, others tend to interpret it as something negative.

3. Time checking – the ultimate sign of disinterest. Avoid checking the time when speaking to someone unless they asked you what time it is.

4. Fidgeting – just like my bad hair-playing presentation habit, it’s distracting. Any kind of unnecessary movement will take away attention from what you are trying to communicate.

5. Multi-tasking – In the current state of technology, I should’ve put this as number one. There is nothing more annoying than when a friend takes out their phone to text...or worse..check Facebook or other social media during dinner. You might consider yourself a multi-tasking world champion but others don’t care about how good you are at it. It’s just rude. Give them the uninterrupted attention they deserve and they will only respect you more for it. You can update your Facebook status on your way to the bathroom.

     As a self-awareness exercise, you can ask your friends if you have any particular “ticks” or body movements that they have observed in you. Make sure that none of your gestures are distracting or result in others forming a negative opinion of you.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

learning deception from a three-year-old

A friend of mine showed me this video a little while ago. If you haven't already seen it, it's worth a watch just because kids are usually best at not being able to hide their body language even if they are trying. Note how John looks away from the camera several times when repeating the lie, but gets better at eye contact throughout the video. As we are older, we get better at keeping eye contact when lying, and that's why a lie is often associated with more eye contact than usual.

 The best line is "it's not empty". I'm sure everyone has had a moment of being caught in a lie and trying to reason on a technicality. Whether you were 3 or 33.

Read my full article on clues to deception here.

Not All Smiles are Created Equal

Which of these two smiles looks more genuine? 

                                    A.                                                   B.

One of the first things I noticed when I immigrated to Canada is how much Canadians smile. Not only do they smile, nearly everyone's smile reveals perfect teeth. North Americans are willing to spend thousands of dollars on orthodontics because smiling is just so darn important here. Wearing braces is something that has become part of teenage life. Almost like a rite-of-passage.  

Given how heavily perfect teeth and smiling are valued, without a doubt smiling is often associated with like ability and openness. This is true all around the world. However, not all smiles are created equal.

Since smiling is such a popular part of communication, we are most comfortable concealing negative emotions with a smile.

The answer to the first question is A. The genuine smile is one that engages the whole face. It's usually reflected in the eyes tightening around the eyes, that's where the saying "smiling with your eyes" comes from. You can see more crow's feet wrinkles around my eyes in A than in B. Generally, a longer, more intense smile indicates a genuine one.

Here are some examples of most commonly used smiles with explanations of the true emotions they are communicating:

1. Fear Smile - a fear emotion (as can be seen from the slightly raised eyebrows) is combined with a rectangular stretch of the risorious muscle pulling the lips horizontally to the ears. This sometimes tilts the lips upward, making them resemble a smile.

2. Contempt smile - tightened lip corners, slight angling and a bit of a dimple can confuse someone into thinking it's a smile

3. Dampened smile - Used when someone feels very positive emotions but tries to reduce their appearance. Lips are more pressed and lip corners are pulled down..but the smile still shows through.

4. Sad smile - follows a negative emotion and is usually asymmetrical

5. Seductive smile - head is tilted, eyes are softened and looking out of the corner of the eyes

Turns out that smiling doesn't only communicate happiness and appreciation. The trick is to pay attention to the upper part of the face in addition to the mouth in order to interpret what the smile is really saying.

Now you can even take Facebook stalking to the next level by trying to interpret what kinds of smiles your friends have.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Sources:

Ekman, Paul. Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage. W.W. Norton & Company, © 2001. New York, N.Y.
 

The Sydney Morning Herald. The face value of a smile. Oct 2010 <http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/the-face-value-of-a-smile-20101022-16wp5.html>

8 Body Language Traps to Avoid

Happy Sunday!

I came across a great article today about career body language mistakes that go from handshakes (which I've already covered in detail) to nodding too much. Check it out for a great summary of body gestures that we often overlook that speak volumes about us to others.

My favourite tip was how women often tend to "over condense" their bodies by crossing their legs and keeping their elbows on their sides. High status men tend to do the opposite, and as a result women subconsciously communicate low confidence and status in professional environments.

Happy D-coding,
Darya

What’s In a Handshake?

How many handshakes do you give in day? A month? A year? A handshake can say a lot more about you than you think. Ever wonder where the saying “having the upper hand” comes from? This month I’ve been looking into what kind of “power” messages various handshakes communicate.

Most people tend to forget how important it is to make the right impression with a handshake. A handshake can guide someone in making a conclusion about your personality, what kind of status you hold or how much power you have.

Some of the best examples of how important a handshake is when demonstrating power can be drawn from politicians. Here is an amazing four-minute video clip that shows several politicians adjusting their body language in order to have the “upper hand” in a handshake and to demonstrate their power. My favourite one is Hilary Clinton’s “not-so-subtle” photo preparation manoeuvre.

The Basic Power Rules of a Handshake:

1.       The hand that is on top usually has the power.

2.       Tapping the person on the back while you shake their hand re-establishes your power once again.

3.       The last person through a door usually has the power (often seen in politics).

4.       If taking a photo of you shaking hands with someone, you need to be on their right side to “have the upper hand”.

How To Shift the Power of a Handshake:

If you see someone else having “the upper hand” while shaking hands with you, there are several things you can do to change the situation.

1.       If you see someone reaching out for a handshake with their palm facing down, use the “step-to-the-right” technique. Step forward with your left foot (this might feel unnatural and needs practice, since 90% of people step with their right foot first), then step forward with your right foot, then bring your left foot to where your right foot is. As you are doing this, you will be able to turn the handshake vertically and establish power through being closer to the other person’s personal space.

2.       If this is someone that you are closer with, you can put your second palm on top of their palm to re-establish power.

3.       If you are being dominated in a handshake and don’t want to, you can try to create equality by turning the other persons hand vertically so that their hand is no longer on top of yours. (You need to judge the situation because it might come off as too aggressive).

Handshake Mistakes:

People don’t usually think all that much about what their handshake says about them. I hope you don’t recognize your own handshake in this list. If you do, now you know how to fix it.

1.       The “wet fish” – a handshake without any grip that can be associated with weak character

2.       The “bone crasher” – a handshake so firm it imprints marks in your finger bones. Negatively associated with a dominant personality.

3.       The “Finger- Tip Grab” – if someone accidentally shakes hands this way with you, casually say something like “let’s do that again” and give them a full handshake. This shows the person that you respect them enough to give them a proper handshake.

It’s amazing how much can be communicated in just a couple of seconds. May yours handshake always say about you exactly what you want it to.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Source: Pease, Allan and Barbara. The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Dell, New York, New York. 2004