Don't Be Fooled by a Fake Review

With the increase of companies paying people to give them positive reviews in social media, I thought this would be quite handy. This example is helpful in determining whether or not a review is authentic.

How to Win Your Crush Over: The Body Language of Attraction

In celebration of Valentine’s Day I thought I’d do a post about attraction. What is it that makes certain people more likeable than others?

Through some research I was able to compile a list of things that naturally attract us to other people. Even if you already have a significant other, these tips are sure to reduce awkwardness in social situations:

1.   The Power of Touch: studies show that people become more comfortable around those that they come into body contact with. It could be as simple as brushing them with your left hand while shaking  their right hand, or by brushing hands with them while passing them an object.(Don't abuse this if you don't want to be seen as a creeper)
2. Open Body Language: this includes avoiding crossing your arms and facing the person you are communicating with.
3.  Don’t use objects to block your body: To appear more open and welcoming during a conversation avoid clutching your purse in front of you or keeping a coffee cup in front of you at a coffee date. Try keeping it on the side so that your torso is open toward the person you are speaking to.
4. Get your crush to do a favour for you: You know from yourself that when you do something nice for someone it makes you feel good. Psychologically, it makes you like the person you are doing the favour for (within limits of course) because you think “wow, this someone must be really special to me because I am spending time helping them”. Make your crush feel the same way.
5. Laugh and smile: Studies show that women laugh more with men they’re attracted to and men are attracted to women who laugh at their jokes. Men are more attracted to women who smile.
6.  Mirror the body language: When people get to know each other better, they tend to start mimicking each other’s body language. You can create that feeling of bonding by slightly adjusting to your crush’s body language. For example if one of you is sitting with a laid back posture, you can gradually start to mimic it as you talk.
7. Move together: People who move together, such as dancing or walking, develop stronger bonds with each other.
8. Speaking into someone’s left ear or touching their forearm will make a person more willing to do something for you.

And the last and most important trick of all is to be yourself. You can certainly adjust your body language to help ease the tension in a social situation, but if your love interest isn’t responding to your attempts...move on. If it were as simple as following a few steps then no one would be hating or whining about having a crappy valentine’s day. The single people get sad that they aren’t dating and those in relationships wake up thinking the day will be magical and their unrealistic expectations end up setting them up for disappointment.

Regardless of how you spend February 14th, just remember to focus on giving as much love as possible to those around you and you’ll never be disappointed.

Happy loving and d-coding,

Darya 

P.S. you can now follow me on twitter for more tips @DaryaDen

Social Etiquette: What People Secretly Like

Grade 12 was a year in my life when I was “coming out of my shell”. All the university applications were due and in order to have something useful to add to them, I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone and actually take risks – such as run for  president of a charity club I was part of and do some public speaking.

Since I’m a big book nerd, during that time period I have read more self-help books than any sane person would admit to. But as they say “In order to become wise you only need to read 10 books, but to find those 10 you need to read hundreds”. And so one particular self help book I read 6 years ago, is still definitely in my top 10 books list.

“How To Talk to Anyone” is basically a list of things we can do to please people and avoid awkward social situations. I don’t know how the author does it but somehow many of those tricks stuck with me right away. To save you all some time, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favourite ones here. I bet you will be nodding that you would really appreciate it if someone showed this type of social etiquette while interacting with you.

1. Pretend that every new person that you meet is an old friend of yours (your body language will naturally change as you greet them) – who doesn’t love a warm greeting?
2. After a compliment, thank them back with another compliment: "That was insightful, you are very kind"
3. Sound like a boss when trying to get an admin to connect you with someone."Hi, Darya here. Is she in?" refer to person you are calling as he/she, him/her. This will create the illusion that you are close with whoever you are trying to reach, maybe increasing the chances of you getting through.
4.  Overlook their bloopers – if someone spills their wine, don’t draw attention to it ..just silently pass them a napkin and continue the conversation without interruptions
5. Whenever someone’s story interrupted, let the interruption take over, but then go back to their story. – I can always relate to that awkward feeling of whether or not I should finish my story. If it happens to someone else, make sure you let them finish
6.  Let them savor the favor – people feel good about doing nice things, repay them, but not right away “tit for-wait-wait-tat”
7. Before speaking, let them empty their tanks first – if you want someone’s full attention, make sure you hear everything they have to say first and then go into your story.
8. Lead the listeners (be the first to applaud or encore etc) – make the presenter feel more confident by supporting them first
9.  Limit the fidget – it will make whatever you say sound more sincere.
10. Have a good posture (this is my forever-failing new year’s resolution L)

The actual book has many more tips, you can find it here.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Article Review: What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage

Since I’m very much into the art of communicating without using words (although I get it’s really hard..since we suck at communicating with words too...I’ll blog about that later) this article was a neat read. It’s written by a woman who observed animals being trained and then used the same techniques on her husband...and they worked!

Here are some quick pointers:

• My Favorite: if your partner does something that you like, PRAISE THEM! We don’t do this enough in our relationships. Humans are all about silently being happy and voicing when we are annoyed. In the English dictionary, we have more negative verbs than positive ones. Just like an animal trainer gives treats for performing a trick...so should we praise people when they do something nice for us. If someone isn’t calling you as often as you’d like, why not tell them you appreciate it when they do call next time you are on the phone with them instead of saying “you don’t care enough about me” or something along those lines.

•          If your partner does something negative, ignore it...(this means don’t even say it annoys you) Eventually the negative behaviour stops if it doesn't get acknowledged

 DISCLAIMER: this works for naggy little annoyances...if this is a bigger issue, you better communicate it (respectfully) with words

Read the full article here.

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

My Body Language Fails & Disclaimers

The other day I was looking through some holiday photos that a friend of mine posted on Facebook. She attended a party with her boyfriend. The the last time I spoke with her, they were having some issues and constant fighting. I thought I’d use the photos of the two of them as a way to try and read into whether or not they got past their issues and went back to being a happy couple. As I was clicking through the album I spotted some group shots where they weren’t standing beside each other. In others, his arm wasn’t around her and vice versa. There was even a photo where her torso seemed to be facing away from his as the two of them were posing for a picture. Body language jackpot! I was convinced they didn’t resolve their issue.

A few days later I saw my dear friend and to my big surprise I found out that they had overcome their fight and actually felt a lot closer to each other before and during the party. So what went wrong? I thought I was following the books!

I became my own example of observer bias.  Since I have a personal relationship with my friend and had a background story of the fight she had with her boyfriend, I was unconsciously looking at the photos with a negative mindset.

Just as people hearing what they want to hear...so do we see what we want to see.

If there was no observation bias, most of us would be body language experts. However we are all subject to it. And unfortunately we hold the most observation bias with the people we are closest to and they happen to be the same ones whom we want to better understand through non-verbal communication.  If I was a neutral party observing the holiday photos I’d probably notice how the couple actually had quite a few photos of them together, both of them were smiling  and other positive indicators.

So here are some disclaimers when trying to read people:

•  Always try and have an open mind. Beware of any pre-conceived notions you have about that person

• Compare it to their general behaviour. If someone has a habit of crossing their arms, if you are having an argument them crossing their arms might actually not be an indicator of something defensive going 

• It's hard to analyze the body language of a stranger because you don’t have a base of mannerisms to compare it against (aka someone shy might actually not make a lot of eye contact...but that doesn’t mean they are a liar)

• Always try and find a combination of non-verbal signs that are not contradictory before making a conclusion of what that person is secretly communicating.

• Don’t isolate a single body movement to make a decision. Look at the whole picture. Is my friend having a bad today? Or is she actually mad that I didn’t reply to her text fast enough?

And here is a photo of me in Montreal covering my face from the strong cold wind. But if you didn’t know that, maybe you’d think I’m covering my face in shame after becoming victim of observation bias.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Presenting: More Important Than Your Notes

For those who have a fear of presenting, I’m sure you’ve been to several workshops that promise to magically make you a better presenter after an hour, or so you dearly hope. I’ve gone to those too. The good news for all of us is that NON-VERBAL communication is actually more important than you forgetting your next point. Once you master how your body moves, you will become a better presenter. You’ve been reviewing the wrong notes all along!

 I am currently reading a great book called Body Language: It’s What You Don’t Say That Matters by Robert Phipps. This article will be a quick summary of the tips from the Presentation chapter from the book.  I’ve also added some stuff from a Voice and Speech course I took in university.

1)      Breathing is the most important thing in public speaking. Before you begin, take a deep breath and feel the ground beneath your feet. Sounds cheesy, but it will give you a confidence boost right off the bat.

2)      Decide on the formality of the presentation. This means choosing whether or not to button your blazer or leaving it open. The magic is in the details.

3)      If there is a podium, avoid hiding behind it and stand to the side if you can. It creates a better connection between you and your audience.

4)      Rule of thumb is to stand still when delivering your key points (this allows your audience to focus more on the key slides with information), and to move around in between to ease the tension.

5)      Studies show that retention when someone is speaking is 10%, and retention with speaking AND a visual is 51%. It’s a no brainer to try and add visuals whenever possible.

There’s another interesting concept I’ve recently discovered but haven’t had a chance to try yet.

Setting Up a Trigger When Presenting:

A trigger is a motion or action you set up throughout the presentation that you can start using near the end if you are trying to persuade the audience to your side.  This may sound a little bit manipulative but it’s just something that will help you, especially in sales presentations. For example, throughout the presentation move your right hand outwards when sharing information and bring in your left hand whenever you are interacting with the audience. By the end of the presentation if you require interaction but the audience is not as responsive, use the left hand gesture and it might be a trigger for them to participate.

Another great example of a trigger I read was using the clicking of a pen in a sales meeting. Every time there is a point and the buyer seems to agree, you ask “do you agree with this?” and when they say “yes” you click the pen. This creates  a trigger and when the buyer is hesitating about something, you might be able to click your pen and they will have more confidence to agree with your point.

I know this one sounds very sneaky. The disclaimer is that of course it won’t work all the time and if someone doesn’t want to buy something you are selling, they won’t buy it even after 100 clicks of a pen. The point is, you tried your best. You can set up a trigger that you are most comfortable with.

Hopefully the above tips will help you the next time you are presenting. Note that life is all interconnected, so chances are, even if you aren’t presenting in the near future, these will sure make you a better communicator.

 

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Phipps, Robert. "Chapter 7 - Presenting". Body Language: It's What You Don't Say That Matters. Capstone Publishing, © 2012. Books24x7. Web. Dec. 10, 2012. <http://common.books24x7.com/toc.aspx?bookid=46073>

Why Interviews Go Wrong: Top 10 Mistakes

I’ve recently had a unique opportunity to help out with recruitment and conduct behavioural interviews with potential candidates for a job opportunity at the company I work for. This was my first ever experience “on the other side”, since just two years ago I was the one applying for the same position.

What struck me the most was how important the non-verbal communication signals that candidates send are when making final decisions. The good news is that most of these “common mishaps” can be eliminated with some self-awareness and could significantly improve your interview scores.

Here are top 10 common mistakes that unsuccessful candidates made:

1)      Confidence or Cockiness? This is a very fine line. The best candidates are ones that have solid accomplishments but don’t over-exaggerate by repeatedly stating how awesome they are. Body language plays a role here - leaning back in the chair, with your legs crossed and looking way too relaxed can send off negative signals.

2)      Tone of voice – usually we hear people advise you to speak louder and clearer but I’ve noticed that variation in tone is key. We’ve had candidates that answered questions in theatre stage voices...we can surely hear them, but so could the interviewees next door.

3)      Eye contact – if there are multiple interviewers in the room, give each one a fair amount of eye contact instead of looking down or just only directing your answers at one person. The other interviewer wants to feel special too!

4)      Open body language – sit up straight. Also, if you rest your hands on the table where the interviewer can see them it will help you look warmer  and relatable.

5)      Read the interviewer(s). Do they look bored?..if so, try to sound more animated and start wrapping up the super-duper-important-and-informative autobiographical novel you are trying to share in one breath.

6)      Be self-aware of your composure beyond the interview room since other company employees might still see and hear you in the hallways.

7)      Bringing up too much personal life- It’s ok if you would like to share a life changing situation that’s related to the question, but don’t get too personal and cross the “too much information” boundary.

8)      Answers with too many fluffy words but no substance- Be specific. Use the STAR  method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) when you provide examples. Try to quantify your results when possible. For example, saying “I was involved in charity X and raised $10,000” is better than “I enriched the community through my work in charity X”.

9)      If you have a blog or website- only post the link of it on your application if you would want the employer to look at it and you think it will help you get the job.

10)   Honesty – I’m not going to say that we can pick up a fib every single time, but we can certainly notice it when you keep changing your answer with the follow up questions we ask. Just be honest straight up. Dishonesty won’t get you a call back.

 Another favourite thing that I’d love to share is a TED talk: “Your Body Language Shapes WhoYou Are” which explains how certain body language poses can help you build confidence before an interview.  

Remember, nothing beats coming prepared, and practice, practice, practice...that’s what friends ...(and Google!) are for.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Credits to: Tegan, Vicky and Naryan for adding their experiences to my growing collection of interview anecdotes.