A few days
ago, I was preparing for a presentation with my team. We started practicing our
slides in front of each other and noticed that every single one of us had
something that we do when we get nervous. One person bites their nails, another
guy scratches his face and I play with my hair. I am grateful that we were
comfortable with pointing out these gestures to each other.
The next day,
I decided to put my hair up in a bun to prevent me from playing with it. I presented
in front of my colleague and she said that although my hair was up, I still
found a loose strand and reached for it. The craziest part is that I don’t
recall doing any of this while I presented. Some of our body movements become
so habitual that our brain ceases to pay attention to them, but that doesn’t
mean that others don’t notice.
It’s important to avoid gestures that might result
in distracting someone from what you are saying or give a negative perception
of you. You don’t need to be a decoding expert to interpret bad body language
habits. Are you victim to any of these common ones?
1. Crossed Arms – often associated with
being defensive. The arm-gripping gesture may occur if a person is feeling
insecure or nervous. It is a form of self-hugging for comfort (i.e. can be seen
in doctors’ office waiting rooms). When I’ve noticed a friend of mine doing it,
she denied that it has anything to do with being defensive and said she was
just comfortable. While it is still a possibility, sometimes the body gestures
that feel most comfortable to us are a reflection of an internal state that we
are not even aware of yet ourselves. Avoid this gesture and try to have open
body language when communicating with others. (Unless of course you are
cold. In that case, hug yourself as much
as needed)
2. Looking Down – Can be interpreted as
boredom or slight arrogance. I’ve noticed that a person who is feeling shy in a
particular social setting may feel uncomfortable making eye contact. Although
they don’t actually have bad intentions, others tend to interpret it as
something negative.
3. Time checking – the ultimate sign of
disinterest. Avoid checking the time when speaking to someone unless they asked
you what time it is.
4. Fidgeting – just like my bad
hair-playing presentation habit, it’s distracting. Any kind of unnecessary
movement will take away attention from what you are trying to communicate.
5. Multi-tasking – In the current state of
technology, I should’ve put this as number one. There is nothing more annoying than
when a friend takes out their phone to text...or worse..check Facebook or other
social media during dinner. You might consider yourself a multi-tasking world
champion but others don’t care about how good you are at it. It’s just rude.
Give them the uninterrupted attention they deserve and they will only respect
you more for it. You can update your Facebook status on your way to the bathroom.
As a self-awareness exercise, you
can ask your friends if you have any particular “ticks” or body movements that they
have observed in you. Make sure that none of your gestures are distracting or result
in others forming a negative opinion of you.
Happy D-coding,
Darya
