Do You Need a Hug?

This September I had a chance to go on an East Coast Canada Road Trip with some friends (another excuse I can use for not posting for so long!). One sunny Saturday afternoon, we were strolling around various neighborhoods in Halifax and walked by a man who was begging for money. Not thinking much of it, I was ready to walk right by, when my friend (let's call him James) sat down right beside him in the middle of the street. He gave him some change and then said these beautiful words "Apart from my financial contribution, is it OK if I also contribute my time and just talk to you?". The man agreed and I sat on the pavement right beside James and the homeless man. We spent almost an hour listening to him speak. He broke down in tears several times throughout our conversation. He told us about the many struggles of prison, drugs and broken family he endured. Then James asked him a simple question "When was the last time you had a hug?". After getting the man's permission, he gave him one big, long and sincere hug. I could see that our new friend become more at ease immediately. By the end of the conversation, he was even making some jokes! 

Our lives can feel overwhelming and complicated, but sometimes all it takes is a very simple gesture like a hug to a friend (or a stranger, if you are feeling brave) that will make everything seem a bit more bearable.

That afternoon, James and I talked some more about hugs. Apparently there is a difference between a "full-body belly hug" and the one where you just lean forward and only the top parts of your body lightly press against the other person. Turns out, I was unconsciously doing the latter with most people in my life. I never even knew about the existence of a belly hug!  When was the last time you gave someone a "full-body belly hug"? Do you think the people you hug feel that your hugs are genuine?

This unusual incident in Halifax made me think more about how I use my body to communicate with others. Turns out, that it's not just handshakes that can affect the impressions people have of us. (Read: "What's in a handshake?" ). 

This week, I encourage you to be the person that helps someone feel just a little more hopeful than before you shared your time with them. Besides, the cooler weather is always a great reason to share a warm drink and to hug just a little tighter.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

P.S. Follow me on twitter @DaryaDen for more body language and communication tips