Recently I’ve come across the term “life hack” a lot. It
seems like it has gone viral. We love life hacks because they sound like an
easy way to accomplish something that would otherwise be difficult. Whether
it’s on how to keep your stuff organized or how to increase your productivity
with simple changes, we crave these shortcuts (mostly, because we are all naturally lazy and want to live the most awesome lives with minimal effort).
What people often don’t realize is that body language
can provide “life hacks” to improving our mood or changing how we perceive
certain things. Let’s face it, no matter how well things are going, we are
still going to have off days. Unfortunately, we can’t always call in sick and
spend the day in bed until we are ready to face the unjust world again.
Instead, I encourage you to try these next time you are feeling blue:
1.Smile
– even when you don’t feel like smiling, the muscles involved in making a smile
will trigger happy memories in your brain and your fake smile might actually
make you happier than you expect.
If you don’t believe me, try going to a Laughter Yoga Class.
I went to one in Toronto and it was incredible. The concept of laughter yoga is to laugh – without anyone
being funny or telling jokes. It takes the smiling motion to the next level,
and you know what? It actually works. We are programmed to think that in order
to laugh we have to be amused. However, laughing without a reason can provide
just as much of a mood booster as listening to a good stand-up comedian.
In the spirit of wedding season and other summer photo
opportunities, here’s a hack on how to fake a genuine smile. Everyone on
Facebook will now believe that you really ARE having a great time on your rainy weekend
camping trip:
(Read more about the power of smiling in one of my previous articles)
2.Dress Up: It’s been proven that when feeling under the
weather, taking some extra time to put on those fancy shoes or an ironed out
dress shirt will make you feel more confident to face the day. If you have a phone interview, dress up for it anyway.
Your posture, thoughts and tone of voice will be more professional when you are
dressed up than when you are taking the call in your pyjamas on the couch.
Think Lady Gaga. How much of her persona
is defined by her outfits?
3.Right-hand,
left-hand: A university study has revealed that a right-handed person
perceives things on their right-hand side more positively than those on their
left. If you are interviewing for a job, being on the more dominant side of the
interviewer can potentially help you leave a better impression. The good-news
is that this preference is not fixed. If you are right-handed and perform a few
everyday tasks with your non-dominant side, your perception of the world will
become more favourable on the side that performed the tasks. Mind-blowing
finding? I thought so.
You see, sometimes all it takes is a fake laugh or a peek
through the window with a different side to feel a little better. May you
always have the energy to turn things around J
A few days
ago, I was preparing for a presentation with my team. We started practicing our
slides in front of each other and noticed that every single one of us had
something that we do when we get nervous. One person bites their nails, another
guy scratches his face and I play with my hair. I am grateful that we were
comfortable with pointing out these gestures to each other.
The next day,
I decided to put my hair up in a bun to prevent me from playing with it. I presented
in front of my colleague and she said that although my hair was up, I still
found a loose strand and reached for it. The craziest part is that I don’t
recall doing any of this while I presented. Some of our body movements become
so habitual that our brain ceases to pay attention to them, but that doesn’t
mean that others don’t notice.
It’s important to avoid gestures that might result
in distracting someone from what you are saying or give a negative perception
of you. You don’t need to be a decoding expert to interpret bad body language
habits. Are you victim to any of these common ones?
1. Crossed Arms – often associated with
being defensive. The arm-gripping gesture may occur if a person is feeling
insecure or nervous. It is a form of self-hugging for comfort (i.e. can be seen
in doctors’ office waiting rooms). When I’ve noticed a friend of mine doing it,
she denied that it has anything to do with being defensive and said she was
just comfortable. While it is still a possibility, sometimes the body gestures
that feel most comfortable to us are a reflection of an internal state that we
are not even aware of yet ourselves. Avoid this gesture and try to have open
body language when communicating with others. (Unless of course you are
cold.In that case, hug yourself as much
as needed)
2. Looking Down – Can be interpreted as
boredom or slight arrogance. I’ve noticed that a person who is feeling shy in a
particular social setting may feel uncomfortable making eye contact. Although
they don’t actually have bad intentions, others tend to interpret it as
something negative.
3.Time checking – the ultimate sign of
disinterest. Avoid checking the time when speaking to someone unless they asked
you what time it is.
4. Fidgeting – just like my bad
hair-playing presentation habit, it’s distracting. Any kind of unnecessary
movement will take away attention from what you are trying to communicate.
5. Multi-tasking – In the current state of
technology, I should’ve put this as number one. There is nothing more annoying than
when a friend takes out their phone to text...or worse..check Facebook or other
social media during dinner. You might consider yourself a multi-tasking world
champion but others don’t care about how good you are at it. It’s just rude.
Give them the uninterrupted attention they deserve and they will only respect
you more for it. You can update your Facebook status on your way to the bathroom.
As a self-awareness exercise, you
can ask your friends if you have any particular “ticks” or body movements that they
have observed in you. Make sure that none of your gestures are distracting or result
in others forming a negative opinion of you.
A friend of mine showed me this video a little while ago. If you haven't already seen it, it's worth a watch just because kids are usually best at not being able to hide their body language even if they are trying. Note how John looks away from the camera several times when repeating the lie, but gets better at eye contact throughout the video. As we are older, we get better at keeping eye contact when lying, and that's why a lie is often associated with more eye contact than usual.
The best line is "it's not empty". I'm sure everyone has had a moment of being caught in a lie and trying to reason on a technicality. Whether you were 3 or 33.
One of the first things I noticed when I immigrated to Canada is how much Canadians smile. Not only do they smile, nearly everyone's smile reveals perfect teeth. North Americans are willing to spend thousands of dollars on orthodontics because smiling is just so darn important here. Wearing braces is something that has become part of teenage life. Almost like a rite-of-passage.
Given how heavily perfect teeth and smiling are valued, without a doubt smiling is often associated with like ability and openness. This is true all around the world. However, not all smiles are created equal.
Since smiling is such a popular part of communication, we are most comfortable concealing negative emotions with a smile.
The answer to the first question is A. The genuine smile is one that engages the whole face. It's usually reflected in the eyes tightening around the eyes, that's where the saying "smiling with your eyes" comes from. You can see more crow's feet wrinkles around my eyes in A than in B. Generally, a longer, more intense smile indicates a genuine one.
Here are some examples of most commonly used smiles with explanations of the true emotions they are communicating:
1. Fear Smile - a fear emotion (as can be seen from the slightly raised eyebrows) is combined with a rectangular stretch of the risorious muscle pulling the lips horizontally to the ears. This sometimes tilts the lips upward, making them resemble a smile.
2. Contempt smile - tightened lip corners, slight angling and a bit of a dimple can confuse someone into thinking it's a smile
3. Dampened smile - Used when someone feels very positive emotions but tries to reduce their appearance. Lips are more pressed and lip corners are pulled down..but the smile still shows through.
4. Sad smile - follows a negative emotion and is usually asymmetrical
5. Seductive smile - head is tilted, eyes are softened and looking out of the corner of the eyes
Turns out that smiling doesn't only communicate happiness and appreciation. The trick is to pay attention to the upper part of the face in addition to the mouth in order to interpret what the smile is really saying.
Now you can even take Facebook stalking to the next level by trying to interpret what kinds of smiles your friends have.
I came across a great article today about career body language mistakes that go from handshakes (which I've already covered in detail) to nodding too much. Check it out for a great summary of body gestures that we often overlook that speak volumes about us to others.
My favourite tip was how women often tend to "over condense" their bodies by crossing their legs and keeping their elbows on their sides. High status men tend to do the opposite, and as a result women subconsciously communicate low confidence and status in professional environments.
How many handshakes do you give in day? A month? A year? A
handshake can say a lot more about you than you think. Ever wonder where the
saying “having the upper hand” comes from? This month I’ve been looking into
what kind of “power” messages various handshakes communicate.
Most people tend to forget how important it is to make the
right impression with a handshake. A handshake can guide someone in making a
conclusion about your personality, what kind of status you hold or how much
power you have.
Some of the best examples of how important a handshake is
when demonstrating power can be drawn from politicians. Here is an amazing four-minute
video clip that shows several politicians adjusting their body language in
order to have the “upper hand” in a handshake and to demonstrate their power. My
favourite one is Hilary Clinton’s “not-so-subtle” photo preparation manoeuvre.
The Basic Power Rules
of a Handshake:
1.The hand that is on top usually has the power.
2.Tapping the person on the back while you shake
their hand re-establishes your power once again.
3.The last person through a door usually has the
power (often seen in politics).
4.If taking a photo of you shaking hands with
someone, you need to be on their right side to “have the upper hand”.
How To Shift the
Power of a Handshake:
If you see someone else having “the upper hand” while
shaking hands with you, there are several things you can do to change the
situation.
1.If you see someone reaching out for a handshake
with their palm facing down, use the “step-to-the-right” technique. Step
forward with your left foot (this might feel unnatural and needs practice,
since 90% of people step with their right foot first), then step forward with
your right foot, then bring your left foot to where your right foot is. As you
are doing this, you will be able to turn the handshake vertically and establish
power through being closer to the other person’s personal space.
2.If this is someone that you are closer with, you
can put your second palm on top of their palm to re-establish power.
3.If you are being dominated in a handshake and
don’t want to, you can try to create equality by turning the other persons hand
vertically so that their hand is no longer on top of yours. (You need to judge
the situation because it might come off as too aggressive).
Handshake Mistakes:
People don’t usually think all that much about what their
handshake says about them. I hope you don’t recognize your own handshake in
this list. If you do, now you know how to fix it.
1.The “wet fish” – a handshake without any grip
that can be associated with weak character
2.The “bone crasher” – a handshake so firm it
imprints marks in your finger bones. Negatively associated with a dominant
personality.
3.The “Finger- Tip Grab” – if someone accidentally
shakes hands this way with you, casually say something like “let’s do that
again” and give them a full handshake. This shows the person that you respect them
enough to give them a proper handshake.
It’s amazing how much can be communicated in just a couple
of seconds. May yours handshake always say about you exactly what you want it
to.
Happy D-coding,
Darya
Source: Pease, Allan
and Barbara. The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Dell, New York, New
York. 2004
