Social Etiquette: What People Secretly Like

Grade 12 was a year in my life when I was “coming out of my shell”. All the university applications were due and in order to have something useful to add to them, I’ve had to get out of my comfort zone and actually take risks – such as run for  president of a charity club I was part of and do some public speaking.

Since I’m a big book nerd, during that time period I have read more self-help books than any sane person would admit to. But as they say “In order to become wise you only need to read 10 books, but to find those 10 you need to read hundreds”. And so one particular self help book I read 6 years ago, is still definitely in my top 10 books list.

“How To Talk to Anyone” is basically a list of things we can do to please people and avoid awkward social situations. I don’t know how the author does it but somehow many of those tricks stuck with me right away. To save you all some time, I’ve compiled a list of some of my favourite ones here. I bet you will be nodding that you would really appreciate it if someone showed this type of social etiquette while interacting with you.

1. Pretend that every new person that you meet is an old friend of yours (your body language will naturally change as you greet them) – who doesn’t love a warm greeting?
2. After a compliment, thank them back with another compliment: "That was insightful, you are very kind"
3. Sound like a boss when trying to get an admin to connect you with someone."Hi, Darya here. Is she in?" refer to person you are calling as he/she, him/her. This will create the illusion that you are close with whoever you are trying to reach, maybe increasing the chances of you getting through.
4.  Overlook their bloopers – if someone spills their wine, don’t draw attention to it ..just silently pass them a napkin and continue the conversation without interruptions
5. Whenever someone’s story interrupted, let the interruption take over, but then go back to their story. – I can always relate to that awkward feeling of whether or not I should finish my story. If it happens to someone else, make sure you let them finish
6.  Let them savor the favor – people feel good about doing nice things, repay them, but not right away “tit for-wait-wait-tat”
7. Before speaking, let them empty their tanks first – if you want someone’s full attention, make sure you hear everything they have to say first and then go into your story.
8. Lead the listeners (be the first to applaud or encore etc) – make the presenter feel more confident by supporting them first
9.  Limit the fidget – it will make whatever you say sound more sincere.
10. Have a good posture (this is my forever-failing new year’s resolution L)

The actual book has many more tips, you can find it here.

Happy D-coding,

Darya