Improving Office Perception: Avoiding Bad Office Habits

There's more to your office reputation than hard work. It's a sad truth, but not everyone at your work will have a chance to be impressed by your incredible Excel-automated business model or that presentation deck you pulled an all-nighter for.  But that won't stop them from forming an opinion about your work ethic just by walking by your desk a couple of times on their way to the washroom. (This article probably does not apply to you if you are one of the fortunate ones who have a very secluded cubicle).  It's human nature to make rash judgments about others and the last thing you want is for your office habits to make you look incompetent at your job.

Teachings on being a "professional" often focus on how you dress and talk. However, there are some other simple things that you can do to better reflect a good work ethic:

1. Mirror the hours of your management: If your manager always comes in early, do the same. The bonus is you get to be around them when it's quieter and might even get some valuable one-on-one time.

2. Stay later: Truth is, when you come into work at 7AM, few people see it. When you stay until 7PM, almost everyone leaving will say bye or acknowledge your late presence on their way out. 

3. Forget the cellphone: Don't use your phone at your desk. Ever. Even if you work tirelessly for 10 hours straight and someone just happens to walk by when you are sending that one text of the day, you risk being seen as a slacker. Especially if it's someone who rarely sees you. If you really need to take a personal phone call, you can go for a walk (or even use your desk phone if it's something quick -perception is that it's work related). Yes, it's hard to abandon our most prized possession for a few hours, but the cellphone just has to go while you're at your desk.

4. Carry the notebook:  Instead of just sitting in a meeting, take some notes. This will help you stay engaged and show that you are listening.

5. Jacket on chair/hanger: sends the message that you are present somewhere in the office, even if away from your cubicle.

6. Mind the TMI (too much information): Keep personal conversations to a minimal. If you can't see someone that means they can't overhear you, right? Wrong.

7. Be present: This is the most important. If you are often tempted to work at home, think about all the valuable conversations that happen around the office that might help you do a better job. Being present allows you and other people to drop by with questions, as well as build rapport with your colleagues. Few things are more effective to finding an answer than sneaking up on someone right at their desk with the words "Do you have a quick minute?". 

Hopefully these tips help you stay engaged in the workplace and show others that you care.

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Image source: http://beta.diylol.com/memes/545-procrastination-panda/posts/192779-i-may-not-look-busy-but-at-the-celular-level-i-m-really-quite-active

What Your Clothes Say About You

As much as spring is a time for renewal, it is also often a prompt to hit the mall for some new looks.

The phrase "clothes make the man" is not an unfamiliar one, but what do the colors and clothes we wear actually communicate to others? Did you ever wonder how much of the likability of a person is determined based on their appearance? More than you think. Interviews are not the only life events for which our wardrobe plays an important role. Pardon human shallowness but often wardrobe is the only way people can judge your personality, which in turn affects how they choose to react to you.

I've grouped some color psychology along with some wardrobe tips to help guide you in communicating the message you want depending on which of the following three situations you are in:

Looking Competent in Sales and Business 

To give off a professional image, extra care must be taken into how well the clothes fit, their cleanliness and lack of wrinkles (yes, that means ironing). Same goes for well-groomed hair and nails.

People tend to trust those with "fit" body types and subconsciously associate fitness with competency (1). Therefore, if you have a fit body it's good to wear clothes that outline the figure. For men, that means well-fitted suits. For ladies - fitted tops or dresses. Studies have shown that heavier eyeglass frames communicate intelligence within a business environment. (2)

A heavier eyeglass frame
communicates intelligence

The ultimate color of power is black (3). However, since it overpowers other colors too much of it can be seen as threatening. Blue is second most powerful as it communicates confidence, trust and authority (particularly in its darker shades). This is the reason why blue is one of the most popular colors used in logos. Another business option is deep purple because it communicates luxury and sophistication. This might be useful for salespeople to note when they would like to communicate status and trust.

A great tip for sales people is to wear some "status" symbols of success. For example, a nice watch or a designer bag. In business, the quality of clothes is important as it allows you to be more persuasive. When you have a high-quality looking wardrobe, people are more likely to perceive you as more successful in your field and place more trust into your ideas. 

Making Yourself Approachable - Networking

An accessory that stands out is
a conversation starter.

My favourite networking tip is to have a statement accessory. This makes it easier for someone to approach you and break the ice by commenting on the item. It could be a statement necklace, tie, a bright scarf, or a purse. Whatever it is, it should be something that not only complements your outfit but also catches the eye.

Making great first impressions is all about perception. For example, if someone asks you for your business card, don't look disheveled trying to check all of your pockets or trying to frantically dig for it through the black hole that is the over-cluttered bottom of your purse. Know where the things you need are. If you have a purse, make sure it doesn't prevent you from having a hand available for a handshake (presuming you are likely to have an appetizer or a drink in the other). 

In terms of color, light brown communicates that you are genuine. Brown is a cozy color that is welcoming and approachable. Hints of orange and yellow in an outfit could be helpful to draw attention. Although too much yellow can be intimidating, it can create a sense of warmth. Orange is considered an approachable color that communicates courage and generosity. Sometimes marketers use orange to make an expensive product seem more affordable.

Read Bad Body Language Habits for other networking behaviours to avoid

Less Awkward First Dates - Improving Likeability

Wear red. 

I was going to leave it at that, but some other popular colors are pink and lavender for femininity (this one is more for the girls). White could be used to highlight purity and peace, especially if you are a bit nervous. If the texture of the fabrics you wear is soft, it can invite human closeness.

Mimic the effect of dilated pupils
by wearing sunglasses on your head

It's a fact that dilated pupils naturally make a person seem more attractive to us. This effect can be mimicked by wearing sunglasses on the head. Having this extra set of "eyes" allows a person to be perceived as youthful and relaxed (2). This mimics the relaxing effect babies and stuffed animals with large painted pupils have on us. 

I will leave what to wear or not wear open-ended. It all depends on what you want your date to end with...

Read more about the Body Language of Attraction

Hope these tips help you refresh your look for spring. 

Happy D-coding,

Darya

Sources:

1. Dillard, James, Pfau, Michael"The Persuasion Handbook"; 2002

2. Pease, Allan and Barbara. The Definitive Book of Body Language. Bantam Dell, New York, New York. 2004
3. Expert Business Source. "Colors and How People React to Them" 2007.

Can You Spot the Liar?

Wanted to share this great lie-spotting quiz my friend sent me. It's got 10 video clips you can watch and try to figure out whether or not the people are lying. This is very quick to do and very entertaining! I got 9/10. The trick is to trust your gut and, before doing it, brush up on lie detecting tips from my article here.

Click here for the quiz - "Can You Spot the Liar?"

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Angela Merkel's Hands: Body Language as a Personal Brand

I've recently learned that the Prime Minister (Chancellor) of Germany, Angela Merkel, has a hand gesture known as the "Merkel Diamond". It is so widely recognized in the world that it was even a logo for one of her political campaigns. 

source: blogspot

Merkel says the hand gesture came to be when she was struggling to find what to do with her hands in public situations (The Guardian). Margaret Thatcher also had a similar issue and was told to carry a handbag. But it's not just politicians that struggle with this. Many of us have struggled with what I like to call "hand-awkwardness'. It's most evident to me when I have to pose for photos (Do you ever feel like "hand on hip" is just not the appropriate gesture for a certain photograph?).

In body language terms, the "Merkel Diamond" is a hand gesture that communicates confidence. Interestingly, it has an additional meaning during conversations. If the gesture is done simultaneously with positive body language signals, it means the person is confident about what they is being told. If it's used with negative gestures, the person is confident that they disagree with you.

In my opinion, Merkel's Diamond is a lot more effective than Thatcher's use of the handbag. Covering your body with objects can make you be perceived as a closed individual and reduce your rapport. That's why while sitting in a coffee shop with someone, it's best to put your coffee cup to the side and not directly in front of you so it doesn't create a barrier.

There is a reason why Merkel was on the most powerful people list several times. Attention to detail in body language plays an important role in your personal brand. It's not uncommon for public figures to go through extensive body language training.

Merkel's Political Campaign

What do you do with your hands in awkward situations? Do you have a go-to gesture? Please don't say you cross your arms. (You can read my bad habits article on why).

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Top 3 Articles of 2013

I've reviewed my blog stats for the year and here are the most popular articles that I've posted. (They are actually my favourites as well!)

1) How To Win your Crush Over: The Body Language of Attraction

2) Crossed Arms and Other Bad Body Language Habits

3) Words That Destroy Conversations (And You've Probably Used Them Today)

I'd like to sincerely thank you for reading my blog. This year I've learned lots on the subject of body language and have lots more I'd like to share with you in 2014. Seeing people interested in a subject I'm so passionate about has made this one of my funnest learning adventures.

You can follow me on twitter @DaryaDen for more frequent tips.

Happy New Year!

And of course...

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

Body Language in Customer Service

To escape the snowy Toronto December I took a trip to Cayo Coco, Cuba. Everything about the resort we stayed at was absolutely beautiful, but the most touching were the people serving us. One day as we were entering the buffet for lunch they were all lined up with their arms across their chest. (I managed to snap this photo as I was walking).

I'm not sure if it was the sappy live music playing in the background but I was extremely touched seeing them all lined up with hands over their hearts.  It was an amazing example of body language that really warmed the heart. It made them look very sincere. With a simple gesture, without saying anything - they greeted us and communicated readiness to make our stay the best one possible through their service.

This got me thinking about body language in customer service. Imagine if employees were trained out of bad body language habits  (Read: my bad body language habits article) and practiced more open body language. This would make crowded December malls seem more bearable. Customers would walk out of stores feeling like they were cared for - and may not even know why! 

Happy D-Coding,

Darya

P.S. I post lots of fun facts and tips on my twitter account. Follow me @DaryaDen27

Words That Destroy Conversations (And You've Probably Used Them Today)

Do you remember the last time you had an argument with someone? 

The goal of every disagreement is to find a conclusion or a mutual understanding that both parties can live with. Getting to that conclusion can be very painful and exhausting. In a heated argument, it is easy to be 'in the moment' and use words that create more harm than good.

A few years ago, I learned a communication model that is simple enough to remember to forever understand why sometimes arguments just seem to escalate without a solution. The model teaches that when we speak to someone, we always play one of the following three roles - Parent, Child or Adult (the proper term for this theory is Berne's Transactional Analysis). Interestingly enough, if one person is acting like a Parent, the natural reaction is for the second one to enter the role of a Child. And vice-versa. Only when we have rational conversations within the Adult state does the other person match it with an Adult response.

In simple terms, the last thing you want is to communicate in such a way that places the other person into a Parent or Child role.  In a single conversation, we often move between various states. In the last argument you remember, which of the below three descriptions fit you best?

Child

 Physical Clues - emotionally sad expressions, despair, temper tantrums, whining voice, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, teasing, delight, laughter, speaking behind hand, raising hand to speak, squirming and giggling.

Verbal Clues - baby talk, I wish, I dunno, I want, I'm gonna, I don't care, oh no, not again, things never go right for me, worst day of my life, bigger, biggest, best, many superlatives, words to impress.

Parent

Physical Clues - angry or impatient body-language and expressions, finger-pointing, patronizing gestures,

Verbal Clues - always, never, for once and for all, judgmental words, critical words, patronizing language, posturing language.

Adult

Physical Clues - attentive, interested, straight-forward, tilted head, non-threatening and non-threatened.

Verbal Clues - why, what, how, who, where and when, how much, in what way, comparative expressions, reasoned statements, true, false, probably, possibly, I think, I realize, I see, I believe, in my opinion." (Source: Alan Chapman)

When having serious discussions, the goal is to stay in the adult state for as long as possible.

Honestly though, we are all human and it's not like I've never had an argument since I learned this theory. However, I did make three simple rules for myself that I try to remember when I want to have a serious discussion with someone.

D-Code's Top 3 Rules of Better Communication

1. Never say "never" or "always" because then the argument immediately becomes about the person trying to prove you wrong as opposed to the solution i.e. "You are always late" ends up with your friend angrily coming up with examples on when they were on time instead of the main issue at hand.

2. Avoid "baby talk" and stop using words such as "I wish" "I dunno" "I don't care" - If you don't care, you wouldn't have started the discussion to begin with. Stop lying about it. We are not stupid. 

3.  Be Specific - if there is a behaviour that you don't like, clearly explain it to the person - "It really upset me when you didn't put away the groceries". My absolute pet peeve are people who don't bother explaining things with an egocentric belief that if the person really cared for them, they would know what upsets them. Someone caring for you doesn't make them your mind reader. You know what's a real true test of someone caring? Them listening to your specific and honest remarks and trying to reduce that behaviour in the future. Which kind of makes me think of this comic:

There is a story of a father struggling to get his child out of bed each morning by using common phrases such as "You'll be late" and  "Stop sleeping". One day, trying to use the Adult instead of the Parent approach, the father walked into his son's bedroom and asked him: "When did you want to wake up today?" This  adult question startled the child and he immediately took responsibility for his prompt arrival to school. 

And that, is the magic of effective communication.

Do you have any other great communication tips to share? Please comment or tweet them @daryaden27.

Happy D-Coding,

Darya